Not At My Table and Becoming Better

A solid person on Twitter (@TehSarge) pointed this out to me and I felt I should share it.

I am very happy to have been introduced to RPG by women and my long-time regulars are largely female. I will admit that I have certainly faltered in my behaviour towards them and towards their characters, and I am very sorry for it. I try to make up for it and I hope that I can.

How you treat the people at your table, whether you are the GM or a player, reflects what sort of person you are. Treat them poorly, and you unmask your true nature as an asshat. “We’re all friends here,” does not mean you can let loose and become the jerk you hide away while at work.

If you don’t want to play RPGs with women, I won’t stop you from walking away from my table. Give me whatever half-assed excuse you can think of if you like. But if you ever find yourself with the good fortune of playing with one, show them, and yourself, some respect.

If you fail at this, if you falter like I have, fortify and say that you’re sorry. Do better. Become better. Openly discussing issues of harassment and behaviour towards women in games and table tops is on the rise and I did not notice the problem until rather recently. I was, and I might still be, part of the problem. I don’t want to be a part of the problem; I want to be a part of the solution. So I’m fixing myself. I’m doing better. I’m becoming better.

If you are active on social media such as Twitter, you may have noticed a hashtag that’s been going around; #NotAtMyTable. It has been getting some heat and I want to show my support for it.

#NotAtMyTable has been criticised for excluding players, but that’s not what it’s about. To me, #NotAtMyTable is not about the players, it’s about behaviour. I hate telling players to step away from my table, for any reason. But there is a certain behaviour that I will not tolerate in any game where I am the GM.

Any disrespect towards anyone else at my table will from now on be met with stern warning, and a stern boot-kick from the table if the warning gets disregarded. I am stepping up. I hate confrontations but I will not tolerate disrespect any longer. I refuse to remain blind to the problem. I am going to do better. I am going to become better.

No matter how good a person you think you are, strive to become better. Show respect, especially when it is safe to be yourself.

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